#my anxiety levels are just so high rn and I can’t imagine it’s any other reason than the end of semester

[werederg]

If I don’t finish my excel course work tomorrow I might explode

[shtern-and-art]

I have more questions because it's no longer 4am lmao.

Does Skeppy fear any animals? I just wanna know if there's any sweet moments of Skeppy clinging to Bad whilst he tries to calm him down.

I'm guessing Bad still hates things like littering and woodcutters but would he ever act particularly strongly about it or would he have more control?

I like how Rat seems to tolerate Skeppy because Bad likes him but would she ever get jealous if Skeppy started pettting another dog?

I have a horrifying image of Bad just spider climbing up a tree to fetch Skeppy. I don't know why but I feel like dude wouldn't even need branches lmao.

What other supernatural creatures/people do they come across? Were there any that were especially dangerous and did they befriend any?

Is Bad much physically stronger than Skeppy? I keep thinking of Skeppy being a little shaz and Bad just one-arm picking him up and slinging him over his shoulder XD.

Does Bad ever get nightmares of the day he became the forest spirit?

How far would Skeppy take stealing? Would he steal something he knows the owner has genuine attachment to? Would he do everything in his power to steal something for Bad even if it means getting hurt?

Who's more likely to protect the other?

Skeppy just minding his business looking at one of Bad's textbooks, turns his head and Bad's just having a tea party with a freaking bear. Surprised the man hasn't had a heart attack yet XD.

What's your favourite thing to imagine them doing?

Is Bsd an adrenaline junky? Or is he scared of more dangerous things like bungee jumping and mountain climbing.

What would their reactions be to rollercoasters?

Do they have a favourite date-night activity?

Everytime I think of this au it brightens my mood!! Thank you for making something so heartwarming!! <3

Glad to see you again :D And yaay, questions!

My pen pressure broke again, I can't finish any sketches for this ask rn, but here's a couple of old messy designs.

1) Comforting and nightmares

Skeppy has a normal, I’d even say adequate level of fear towards wild animals, whilst Bad has it in negative numbers. And, yes, this fun juxtaposition leads to a lot of unfortunate moments of Skeppy nearly dying from heart attack when some of Bad’s animal friends show up unexpectedly, or Bad goes all out for his tea-parties with wild bears or smth.

So, yes, sometimes the comforting hugs are necessary! And no, none of them ever play up the dramaticness of the situation just to drag out the nice comforting moment They do n o t. That’d be very silly and unnecessary, and will deserve a lot of teasing. So, it’s all serious. Not only for the first couple minutes. Yes.

But If you’re looking for comfort-after-actual-hurt – Bad does have to hold and comfort Skeppy, when the stress of trying to not fuck up the good stuff around him gets too strong. And after the nightmares where they are hated and chased by people. Those dreams do not come often, but when they do, Bad is there to hold Skeppy, whisper in his hair that he is alright, that they’re both alright, and that they can handle everything that’s going on right now.

And Bad himself, well. After leaving the town, his nightmares about the night of the ritual stopped almost completely. They come rarely, only when the anxiety gets really bad. Before, in the forest, Bad had them pretty often. It’s one of the reasons he mostly slept not as himself, but in the minds of the animals.

2) Littering

Bad will not maim someone for not getting a candy wrapper in a trashcan, especially if there are people around. But if someone leaves a big mess in the nature, or even (*gasp*) does it regularly, Bad can and will try and teach them a lesson. As in: pull a cautionary (and probably slightly terrifying) prank on the misbehaving person.

It doesn’t always work out as Bad intended, and may even scare some people off anything relating to nature for good, but, according to Bad, it’s still “a fun and useful little hobby to have :3”.

3) Rat

Rat takes a looong time to warm up to any other animals that infringe on her territory. And Skeppy might be a little shit (and his own rights for Bad are debatable) but he is Rat’s territory still (by approximation from Bad). So, she can gatekeep Skeppy a little bit. Not as much as she does Bad, but the man gotta know his place – Rat comes before other dogs for him too.

4) Tree climbing and strength

Oh, Bad can an will climb down a tree like a full-on creepy creature he is: head down, using only his claws, with Skeppy tucked under one arm. Maybe not even upside down, if Skeppy is lucky, and wasn’t too annoying about wanting to stay up on the tree for the night :D

5) Meeting other spn creatures

Oh, that’s a big question (: Yes, they do meet other cryptids, befriend some, and get in trouble with some, and deal with a handful of new and old spn troubles :D

I always thought that Bad and Skeppy’s life after the main story can make a series of short stories (or one big episodic one) dealing with exactly that: the guys traveling around, meeting other cryptids, learning more about themselves and the world, trying to build a life between human and supernatural crisis going on. Just like In The Dark it can based on the mix between the real life and the minecraft-verse events.

I wanted to focus more on finishing the main story first, though, so these stories are not as sought through, I didn’t even write down any of them yet :D

But if you have more concrete questions, ideas, or suggestions (about a specific person, or a specific thing happening) – write me, I’ll think about it, and how it can work with the theme and worldbuilding I have in mind.

6) Stealing + Protectiveness

Skeppy can sometimes forget about, ahem, moral principles, or human decency… emphasis oh “human”. He’s nature and different worldview it gives, it seeps through in his life and actions even more with age. Especially after he’s been away from actual people for a long while. So, I guess, he might at times steal something that is very important to someone, or do something that could be considered weird or rude in general.

And if Bad really needs something, or is in danger – all rules are down. If there is no one to reality check Skeppy, he might proceed to walk on heads, and commit risky and reckless crimes just to help or save Bad.

They both are quite bad with that, the protecting each other thing. Bad, tho, can be more fiscally violent in his protectiveness.

7) Adrenaline and rollercoasters

Well, it’s not that Bad likes adrenaline specifically, he’s just very curious, likes to try new things, and is almost unkillable. So he can just- just go for everything that’s interesting for him with reckless abandon, and if it goes wrong – welp. Bones can heal limbs can regrow, and the cool abandoned caves will not explore themselves. He’ll have to learn to ease up with lack of selfcare though. Because Bad can’t always leave Skeppy to fend for himself, while he heals, and Skeppy does NOT like seeing Bad getting hurt so much, and not caring about himself at all.

This probably comes back to Bad dealing with his spn nature and learning to make peace between it and himself. And to his anxiety, and unhealthy coping mechanisms.

And hey, it’s the same for Skeppy and his lack of adequate moral compass at times :D

There will be a lot of tension and growing they’d have to do in regards to all this.

Also Skeppy is the one who’s really into chasing the thrills :D Man spent nearly half a year annoying probably-murderous-forest-spirit just for little not-boring fun, jeez :DD

Rollercoasters are a no go, tho. They go up in the air, real high, and, once again, Skeppy and highs do not mix, they do not mingle, they will not have tea parties (with or without bears). Unless, of course, Skeppy really needs to prove something. Then he’ll go on a ride, and die an honorable death, and will never admit he screamed all the way through it.

8) Dates

(*insert an innuendo from Skeppy here*) But, ahm, actually I’d say they love going on picnics: getting food, and hanging around in the nature for a while.

And I honestly donno what I like to think about the most… I just really enjoy the vibe and the atmosphere of the whole story, and how Bad and Skeppy interact in general.

It all is a real delight to write about :D

---

In The Dark - masterpost

[mazanica]

So anymore funfacts about anyone? Red, Freddy, anyone you want? (I was gonna send in an ask like right after the last one but then I had an anxiety attack, the universe will not stop me from talking to you 😂)

(Took me a few days bc my phone was the GPS to get home and I’ve been relaxing and winding down and also i can’t answer on my PC rn bc I share a room with my sister and she has to get up at like 4 am for work and I type rly fast and loud and it wakes her up, keeps her awake and ticks her off lmao so mobile post! I hope you feel better now! ;w; I LOVE TALKING TO YOU TALK TO ME MORE 👀 discord)

Also you said fun facts and I wrote a book, thanks.

Freddy is the most level headed, yet also the most dangerous out of ALL of the animatronics (this does not include the shadows and nightmares, as they’re not technically real animatronics, or the puppet who is basically the closest thing possible to a mortal god). He knows things none of the others know, and often the first person he tells anything to is either Red (as the Toys’ leader and bc of their personal relationship ofc) or Bonnie (his best friend, inside and outside of the programming). He witnessed the very first murder (after the Bite of ‘83, so Fredbear’s is shut down and it’s the first official Freddy Fazbear restaurant), along with the Puppet, but as this is before the (first) children are murdered he can do nothing but adhere to his code. He began to glitch out of course, as the first sign of autonomy fought with his programming. He and the other OGs did not gain full autonomy until they came in contact with the murdered children, though they have always been sentient (can you imagine…)

Bonnie ADORES cute things. He’ll never admit it though. He’s a little bitter and a little jealous, but the Toys quickly endear themselves to him in part because of their cute very-80’s design. He’s loyal to a fault but when his trust is broken, its a bitch to get back. He has Freddy’s back no matter what. He likes to bicker with Chica and Foxy, and often insults and teases them as big brothers do, but the moment someone else does he’s ready to throw down. He’s very protective and mildly possessive, but Freddy’s working with him on that last bit- possessive is not good and Bonnie knows that.

Chica was programmed bilingual, with English and Spanish in order to help children who only spoke the latter (the Hispanic population was fairly high in their city and Henry was highly aware of the children and their parents who only knew Spanish, so it was good to have someone always there who can communicate). She cooks, of course, she’s Chica, and while she and Bonnie definitely have the bickering teasing sibling relationship she’s closest to Foxy. Those two, while they will have a go at each other, will usually band together and are often found playing games together. Foxy is the one she feels she can trust with her secrets.

Foxy is good at keeping secrets. He’s a storyteller and loves to play pretend, and often he can glean info from the others based on what they choose their characters to be or do. He gets the others to open up to him easily, and of the OGs he’s probably the most open and sympathetic, allowing him to easily befriend the Toys when they meet. He’s also the most sensitive, so he’s the most torn up about the murdered children, but his reactions to hurt is often violence- against himself, against the perpetrator, against the wall, etc… But he never hurts his friends.

The Golden duo were actually built by a novice inventor (though she was a genius), initially as babysitters and entertainers for the inventor’s children (single mother). However, the kids in the neighborhood LOVED them so she opened the diner. It ran for a few years, over time the Golden duo gaining their autonomy as they learned. This was in the 50’s, and this tech was unheard of back then so it obviously caught attention. Time passed and the inventor eventually died in the late 70’s, and her children teamed up with Henry and William to bring in new animatronics to expand the “family.” Thus Freddy, Bonnie, Chica and Foxy were built (the band came first, Foxy was added later) and placed in a sister restaurant… When ‘83 happened, the inventor’s kids shut the restaurant down (feeling ashamed that their beloved goldies could cause such harm) and sold all of the rights to Henry and William, under the condition that their mother’s characters always be honoured; and thus the name Fredbear remains, even if only in programming.

Henry is the one who built the OGs, using the blueprints and plans from the golden duo in order to achieve the same effect. William, wanting to best Henry (William was a very very jealous and selfish man), began secretly working on the Sister Location before ‘83 (basically right after Henry revealed the OG Fazband), and he made the blueprints for the Toys (as they were the prototypes for the SL) from scratch, using very little of the Goldens’ creator’s code and instead using a child genius who would never know any better. The child was forced into writing the first “living code”, which would grow and develop on its own- the first true AI, or so William thought (the OGs and Goldens learn and grow but that’s through time and observation and ghosts, they weren’t actually programmed for it). As such, the Toys from the moment they woke up could feel.

William is a monster. He murders for fun. Freddy was the first to show aggression towards him- Freddy saw the murder, but he didn’t see the murderer, but he never liked how William reacted to finding out about the child found dead in the alley, especially since he was supposed to be a family friend. William murdered the first set of children out of anger at Henry, wanting to see “Mr. Perfect” fail- not realizing Henry was spiraling (the first child was Henry’s daughter, Sammy). When Freddy’s shut down and they decided to reopen, he decided that instead of letting Henry have the glory of refitting the OGs, he introduced Henry to the Toys.

The Toys have no knowledge of William, beyond “our creator.” They also don’t know of the child genius that William used and abused to create them, though they do have fragments of memory about them.

Blue is the most sensitive about the “replacement” thing. After he finds out, he refuses to respond to the name Bonnie- even has an actual breakdown over it because “if you’re not Freddy and I’m not Bonnie then who the heck are we?!” Total existential crisis. He even breaks a mirror in the bathroom. It’s after that that the Toys officially take up nicknames to use among themselves.

The Toys were given the OGs’ props when they were activated, but they gave them back. The restaurant crew eventually got tired of having to fetch the props from the back and just ordered new props for the Toys.

Mangle’s nickname was originally Vixy, but after being ripped apart they embraced the name Mangle and decided they liked the sound of it. Red tried to reason with them about it but Mangle was firm in their decision.

The Toys and OGs (as the Withereds) never hunted the night guard. The night guards were scared stiff when the animatronics moved and got it in their heads that they were being hunted. The animatronics had no reason to hunt the night guard; they didn’t know after all. The Withereds did tell the Toys about the first set of murders (and Freddy admitted the truth about the first child to Red), but the Toys couldn’t imagine the pain until they went through it themselves (second set of murdered kids).

Red and Chii take the most issue with being called “Toy”- Red because it likens them to cheap knockoffs and Chii because it likens them to simple objects meant to be played with and tossed away. Mangle and Blue were indifferent to the title.

The Toys are the only ones who saw the murderer. The secret of his identity died with them.

William (under the alias Dominic Fueller) masqueraded as a guard after he and Henry had a falling out, and during this time he kidnapped the kids and murdered them. This time he was more careful, and the Toys were the only witnesses. However, when the OGs later read about the Bite of '87 (which targeted William but ended up getting selfless little Jeremy instead), they put the pieces together that it was a night guard (as the paper said they “cornered a guard”) and began hunting night guards from that day onwards.

All in all there were 11 murdered children and 2 bite victims. Bite of '83 was the crying child, shortly after that was Sammy, then in '85 was the first five children who briefly haunted the restaurant and the OGs’ suits (their bodies were found, however, and properly interred so they moved on bc closure). Then '87 came and the second set of murders happened, and the day after was the Bite of '87.

Henry committed suicide shortly after '87, leaving William with the rest of the company… But he stuck around.

Things between the Toys and OGs was initially rocky, but no one was outright hostile. Of the Toys, Red was the first to reach out a hand, and of the OGs Foxy was the first (though Freddy did extend pleasantries, as the leader). Bonnie just sort of started hanging around and Blue on a whim gave him back his guitar, and that simple act is what truly bridged the gap. Soon the Toys decided to fix the OGs up, with Red hoping one day the OGs would perform again. Blue often voiced a desire to perform alongside Bonnie, not as Old and New but as Bonnie and Blue.

When Mangle was ripped apart with no hope of being fixed, everyone did what they could to make things better for them. However, Mangle came to the conclusion eventually that they liked being a “spider fox.” They could go places and do things the others couldn’t, and soon it became the norm to look up and see a fox chillin on the ceilin

The animatronics have souls of their own, formed over time, circumstance and experiences. They’re all reunited in the end, and either stay in the afterlife or move on to another life- hopefully a happier one. Surprise, all my AUs are connected in a multiverse 😂 they exist parallel to each other, sometimes even in the same universe/timeline but at different points in time. They’re all the lives the animatronics (and night guards and children) live, whether it’s in another universe or the same. They have happy stories and not so happy stories… But they’re stories. Their stories. And they always find each other, one way or another.

Oh yeah those next and parallel lives I mentioned? Yeah the souls carry wounds that transcend time and space. 9 times out of 10, their names or nicknames will be the same, they’ll look as they always did, and they hold the same scars as their animatronic forms.

[sophie-summer]

Don’t Fade Away

Book: Endless Summer

Pairing: Jake x MC (Sophie)

Warning: Death of a charapter and angst in general

Words:  3000+

Author’s Note: It’s 2 in the morning, so please excuse any grammar error or whatever thing that doesn’t make sense I can’t think clearly rn. Enjoy it! (or not)

The wound on her leg hadn’t stopped bleeding.

At first, she had barely felt the unpleasant brush of cold metal cutting through her skin, but as she tried to take another step the pain spread from her thigh to the rest of her leg and she couldn’t stand.

The wound wasn’t only deep, who had thrown the blade knew very well what was doing, because somehow the blade must have cut much more than just muscle, maybe a pair of tendons or some nerve. Despite the pain, no matter how hard she tried, some parts of her leg just didn’t obey, not to mention the blood that continued spurting. And it hurt, it hurt so much she could hardly stay conscious, the slightest movement sent a series of painful spasms that radiated all over her body.

She clenched her teeth in preparation for the next when she crawled into some skeletal trees to hide, which was made more difficult by the blade she held tightly in her hand. She used the last of her strength to hide behind a particularly large trunk and collapsed against it.

With shaking hands, trembling breathing and sweaty forehead, she closed her eyes and focused on anything other than pain. The coldness of the snow that penetrated her clothes, the stillness of the dormant forest, the hardness of the bark against her back, the safety that gave her the blade’s metal in her hand. She took a couple of tremulous breaths repeatedly until she could breathe normally.

Her hiding place wasn’t very elaborate, it was rather a pathetic attempt not to stay in the same place, because the trace of blood she had left betrayed her location in an obvious way. But at least, she would have a little more time when, whoever was chasing her, would find her.

She looked down, the white snow under her leg had been dyed in a red circle that grew wider, and even she knew if she lost more blood she wouldn’t last long. Her head had already begun to feel light, she couldn’t afford to waste a second more.

She almost threw up when she tore her pants to see the wound. The side of her thigh had become a jumble of torn flesh. In that exact moment she knew she wouldn’t walk normally again if she recovered from that.

Luckily for her, Grace had also lent her a scarf along with the clothes she had given her earlier, so she would be able to stop the hemorrhage. She had to bite her lip to prevent a scream from coming out her mouth when she tied it over the cut. The bleeding didn’t stop, but it was reduced considerably. Immediately, she took a handful of snow and placed it there, at first the sting made her swear under her breath in all the ways she knew, but the cold helped numb the pain little by little, it still hurt like hell and she couldn’t move her leg yet, but it helped.

At that time, it would have been nice to have Michelle close by, she would have done a better job than her, but when they ran away from the troop of Arachnid soldiers, they had all split up once everyone took a different direction. She only prayed to God the others were in better conditions than her.

Her head laid on the tree. Things didn’t look good at all. She had stopped the bleeding and had half-hidden, but in case her persecutor didn’t find her, there was the fact that she couldn’t move anywhere without the help of someone else. The cold could easily kill her before the wound on her leg.

Perhaps it was the loss of blood what made her hallucinate, but the vapor that formed with her exhalations suddenly stopped shortly after leaving her mouth, as if an invisible wall prevented it from following its course, and the air around her seemed to have become warmer. She closed her eyes, letting herself be carried away by the sensation. Maybe I’m already dying, she thought, this doesn’t feel so bad after all.

“It seems you’re still alive.”

Her eyes opened instantly and her grip tightened around the blade. Although in front of her there was nothing but the same snowy landscape, she was sure the voice hadn’t been product of her imagination, it had sounded too real, too close.

She leaned her weight on one hand to separate herself from the trunk, the feeling of warmth intensified when she did. She watched more closely, the space rippled and contoured in front of her, like happened in a hot day, but that had a more human form. She didn’t have to think twice. Forgetting the pain, the cold and the desperation, her instincts and a surge of adrenaline hit her when she swung the blade in its direction.

It stopped in the middle of the blow, it was torn from her hands and then disappear as soon as it left her hand.

“Don’t you dare use my own blade against me girl.” It was the same voice again.

Sophie kept her eyes fixed on where it came from, looking for the same ripples as before. Her eyes widened when in its place a person materialized out of nothing.

She wore a suit similar to the other Arachnid soldiers, only that hers was more sophisticated. She had a blade in each hand, her blood dull the brightness of one of them and the metal of the other appeared to capture every ray of sun that filtered through the clouds.

“You’re Wolf’s new entertainment.” She took a step closer. “Lundgren told us to keep you all alive, so I can’t kill you. But,” the smile she showed her made a chill run down Sophie’s spine. “Maybe I’ll let him watch a little while I play with you.” She raised her voice and then said. “What do you say Jake?”

Hearing his name made a mixture of relief and fear paralyze her heart. Since she had to leave him to Lundgren, she had begged everything that existed in the world for him to escape and she desperately wanted him to be fine. She knew he would, she didn’t doubt him. However, Jake was stupid enough to risk his life looking for her instead of running away.

It was true Rourke needed them alive for whatever he had planned, but Lundgren was also behind him. Jake had been hiding with very important information that could send him straight to jail if it was made public. Of all of them, Jake was the one who had more to lose.

Terror had every part of her body frozen. Her level of anxiety hadn’t been so high even when she feared for her life, but then it was Jake’s that was at stake. She was already half dead after all, she wouldn’t have minded if he had left and left her behind because that meant he would be safe.

“Come on Jake, this’ll be more fun if you’re here.” The soldier looked around for some hint of him.

Not content with the result, she knelt next to Sophie and slid a gloved finger down her leg without touching the wound, yet it had been very painful and whatever she was going to do next wouldn’t be much more pleasant. She tried to push her hand away, but in her condition even that was too much for her.

“Leave her Jeanine, this is between you and me.” His voice froze time. It was him. Jake was there.

In her heart, she had harbored the little hope he wasn’t there, that it had only been a dirty lie of that woman to make her suffer more. And as long as she didn’t see Jake she could still believe it, but that was no longer an alternative.

“Damn Jake! Get out of here!” She clenched her eyes.

“I told you I ain’t leaving this island without you, Princess.”

Irremediably her eyes were drawn to him. He was standing a couple of meters away from them. He had a few bruises on his jaw, his hair was a complete mess and his jacket had been replaced by one of the Arachnid soldiers, but he was fine. Though she didn’t want him to be there, his presence made her feel safe instantaneously.

When their eyes met, hers were filled with pain, anguish and fear, his with relief, worry and determination.

“Let’s see if you can keep that promise.”

The Arachnid soldier got up and follow pressed some buttons in the center of her suit before disappearing again. Jake looked as bewildered as she when she saw her appear, only it took him less time to recover than it took her.

Instead of approaching Sophie as they would have wanted, Jake remained alert right where he was, waiting for the attack he knew was coming and he didn’t have to wait too much. Her first hit could have been worse, but then she wasn’t trying to kill him just yet, first she had to play with him.

It was difficult to follow a fight in which she only saw one of the fighters, especially when Jake was the one who received the worst part. At first, he hadn’t been able to avoid any of her attacks, the edge of the invisible blades were attacking again and again implacably, each one of the cuts opened in his skin was proof of that.

Despite the fact Jake had been running away for too long, he was a trained soldier, somewhat out of shape, but he still was. And he knew the situation he was in, it was obvious she had the greatest advantage, but that she was invisible didn’t imply her tracks on the snow and the vapor that formed with her breathing were also invisible. Besides, they had been part of the same unit for a long time, and if there was anyone who knew the way she fought and how she moved, that was Jake. So after having spent a few painful minutes, he found a way to avoid most of them, and little by little things matched a lot.

Sophie looked all helpless from where she was. She wanted to do something desperately, anything would have been better than just staying on the ground and observing what was happening, but she was nothing more than a burden. She just wanted to close her eyes and let herself go through the darkness until she fell asleep, but the intensity of the pain kept her conscious enough to know that it wouldn’t be good.

They kept fighting and, at a certain point, that woman, Jeanine, was visible again she wasn’t sure why, but once the advantage was lost, things became simpler for Jake.

They had already spread too much and both were reaching their limit. Jake knew her strength was her agility and speed, in fast battles or when she had the element of surprise there was no better person for the job than her, but in prolonged fights, resistance was always her problem. Jake was clear about what he should do, he had waited patiently for that exact moment.

Among the equipment he had taken from the soldier from which he had escaped, there was also a weapon, and since he had seen Fiddler next to Sophie his hands hadn’t stopped shaking. He had wanted to use it immediately, but having done it would have been stupid given the distance there was between them, those suits were designed specifically for that kind of situation, a bullet if it wasn’t in the right place wouldn’t make a single scratch. To do what he needed he had to be much closer.

When he saw her disappear things got complicated, but soon after he managed to ruin the device that allowed her to be invisible, however that was only a part it. He had had to wait, until she was tired and her reflexes were slow. Once the moment arrived and she was close enough, he didn’t doubt a single second in pulling the trigger. The last thing he saw of her was hatred and satisfaction shining in her eyes.  

At first, when the shot echoed in her ears, Sophie feared Jake was the one who received it and her eyes stayed fixed on him until she saw the soldier fall against the ground and her lifeless body stained the snow in the same way her own blood did. But even so, she didn’t relax and just continued watching, as if waiting for their fragile victory wasn’t real or perhaps, it was more fleeting than she had expected.

Her attention got drawn back to Jake as he slowly turned to her. It was impossible not to feel safe when her eyes met his smile, she even found the strength to bend her own lips in response. Her eyelids were already beginning to flutter heavily and finally she could stop resisting sleep and rest, because whatever happened Jake would be with her.

Jake began to walk the distance between them, but a few steps from her, he fell heavily on his knees. She knew something was wrong, his breathing had become more labored and the handle of what appeared to be a knife protruded from a part of his chest where there should be nothing. But with the curtain that interposed her conscience she couldn’t understand what was wrong in that situation. It wasn’t until she saw the blood she understood it. Jake wasn’t only hurt, he was dying.

What at first, she thought was a simple knife was actually one of Fiddler’s swords crossing Jake’s chest from side to side. Then as realization hit her a pain different from her leg spread in her chest, worse than broken glass circulating in her veins and tearing everything apart.

The sound of footsteps echoed in the distance, but she couldn’t have cared less about who was approaching.

They kept their eyes fixed on each other, with the clear pain drawn in them. What she most wanted at that precise moment was to be in his arms, if Jake was going to die right in front of her eyes, she wanted to die with him, it wouldn’t take her too long to follow the same path of all taking. And despite the fact the distance that separated them was insignificant, none of them could cover it.

“Run away Princess.” It was the last thing his lips ever pronounced before falling to the ground.

“I’m not going anywhere you idiot.”

Tears didn’t come to her eyes because she had no more to be shed. And her body refused to move from the place she was. All she could do was let out the sobs that kept crawling up her throat. She closed her eyes and prayed for tears to fill them, at least in that way the pain could come out in some way and stop crushing everything inside her chest.

The footsteps sounded closer and closer until two familiar figures appeared in her field of vision. She recognized Michelle and Craig immediately. She could see from leagues they were scared and had been running for a while, but showed no sign of having been in a fight, both were fine. Fortunately, it seemed that they hadn’t come across any of Lundgren’s soldiers.

Michelle’s face paled at the sight of blood and the bodies of Jake and Fiddler lying on the floor, while Craig at her side only managed to gasp, though from his expression it was obvious he was about to throw up. Michelle took a couple of deep breaths before regaining her composure and then approached Jake. When kneeling next to him, Sophie focused her attention on Craig, she didn’t need to see the confirmation in her friend’s face of something she already knew. But then Craig noticed her in her hiding place among the trees and his eyes were full of something she didn’t want to face. So she chose to concentrate on her leg instead.

She heard them approach, but she refused to look at them, and it wasn’t so difficult, after all there was no energy left to lift her head.

Life was so ironic sometimes. Long ago if cutting her leg would have made the pain stop, she would have done it gladly, but then that same pain was what kept at bay the despair, fear and anguish that unleashed in her chest every time she thought about Jake.

A hand settled delicately on her shoulder. The touch was soft and gentle, the kind that was meant to comfort. Sophie felt the last pieces of her that was still intact crack. Right after, Michelle set out to check the wound and changed the scarf for some proper bandages.

“Sophie, we have to get you out of here.”

Only then, hearing those words, she dared to look at her. In Michelle’s eyes shone the tears she couldn’t shed.

She just shook her head. She had been pretty sure the only possible fate for her was death, she had prepared for everything, everything except for someone to rescue her, and anyway it wasn’t as if she wanted to be helped.

“The others found a safe place, we have to go.” She repeated gently.

“Go away without me.” Just saying those words hurt her.

“Do you think Jake gave his life for you to die?”

Sophie clenched her teeth. There was no softness in those words, and though she knew Michelle was right, she just couldn’t. How was she supposed to continue with the emptiness in her chest?

Michelle kept waiting and realizing she wouldn’t get any reaction from Sophie, she stood up.

“If you think we’re just going to leave and let you bleed to death, you’re crazy. We’ve already lost enough friends. Craig, help me lift her.”

“No! Please don’t do this,” She pleaded. “I can’t leave him.”

If she could, she would have twisted and fought like never before, but all she could do was beg them to leave her while they ignored her and Craig lifted her carefully.

When they started to move away, she felt as if a part of her soul was suddenly snatched away. And so, the unconsciousness received her, sobbing as Jake’s body faded away into the distance.

[ontheavalanche]

As someone with BPD, I struggle a lot with headcanons of Kent Parson with BPD.

Bc on the one hand, I really enjoy people taking the time to research BPD and crafting versions of Kent Parson that are complicated yet respectful and highlighting a disorder that imho isn’t spoken about nearly enough + a lot of thought and effort goes into taking mentally ill characters and fleshing them out with words. Plus I’ve seen some well composed stuff from people who do have BPD and get what it’s like and make wonderfully relatable versions of BPD!Parse and I don’t want to downplay those at all.

But at the same time, I noticed a lot of what happens is that people paint Kent Parson as this guy that’s been really manipulative and can say and do things that are emotionally abusive or just make him all impulsive but then be all like oh he’s like that because he has BPD so it’s okay.

And that’s bad for multiple reasons—the first one being ofc that you can’t excuse manipulative, emotionally abusive, or any other kind of shitty behaviors just bc the person acting that way is mentally ill. The second is that people with Borderline Personality Disorder are generally not like that???? That’s a really harmful stereotype of what people with BPD are like and it’s been perpetuated a lot in various types of media and even within medical and mental health communities.

Anyways, I’m p sure I personally won’t be able to read any fics with BPD!Parson unless they’re personally recommend to me, but I will throw a few things out there that I haven’t seen in BPD!Parse fics but that are common amongst people with BPD. (Please keep in mind that these are based on my own experiences and experiences of other people I know who have BPD—as with any mental health issue, it can manifest very differently depending on the person and not everyone with have experienced all of these):

Manic episodes!!!!! (I feel it’s important to note that often times you won’t realize you’re Manic until you’re peeking. And tbh a lot of times you don’t realize it at all, especially if you don’t have experience recognizing those feelings. Also I’ve noticed that with people with BPD that are more on the consistently manic side will not notice their mania because while manic episodes are intense, if you’re used to them it feels totally normal to feel that way all the time. You might not notice it’s a thing until it gets pointed out by an outsider or unless you get a really really bad one or end up hospitalized)

After a manic episode, you might Crash—a sort of Mania Hangover, if you will. Sometimes it can be a full blow depressive episode, sometimes it’s just a need for sleep or maybe releasing a few hard earned tears. (Or if you’re one of those people that’s kind of Perpetually Manic or going through a manic phase, maybe you won’t even Crash, you’ll just slide into another episode like whatislife amiright??)

If not full blown mania, then mood swings!!!! So many mood swings!!!!! They’re intense and sometimes they last a few hours and sometimes they last a few days. People with BPD have intense emotions, highs and lows and you can on occasion get several in the span of an hour or two.

A chronic feeling of emptiness (I’m thinking of Parse feeling empty n wow that hurts so bad doesn’t it?)

Reckless, impulsive, or dangerous behaviors, often thought of as a result of trying to fill that emptiness or during feelings of mania or anger or mood swings. (This can manifest as shopping sprees, sex, substance abuse, binge eating, etc).

Viewing things in black and white—often times things and feelings are perceived as either totally Good or totally Bad, with little to nothing in between. It’s easy to distort your point of view to make it so that everything fits in those categories. This is a defense mechanism and is often referred to as “Splitting” or all-or-nothing thinking.

The Good/Bad POV//defense mechanism also and especially applies toward people and while logically you might know people are multifaceted and want to recognize that people can be both good and bad, sometimes it can be really hard not to look at people and subconsciously be like “okay are you a hero or a villain, a protagonist or an antagonist, do I love you or hate you” (idealization vs devaluation)

In the BPD community, many people have something called an FP (a Favorite Person)—this is a person you’ve formed an emotional dependency on that can quite literally make or break your day with the slightest provocation. Frankly, this is kind of difficult to talk about so I recommend skimming this article. Basically, you devolve intense feelings for a person (be it romantic or platonic) and when they give you attention or when you view their actions as positive, it’s like you’re happier than you’ve ever been but if you view something they did or said as a negative towards you (even if it wasn’t their intention), suddently your mood plummets so badly that you might feel physically pained or enter a major depressive episode or feel suicidal. (Not everyone has or has had an FP, but if you have one and they reject you and the relationship between the two of you is over, it can feel kind of like a soulmate au gone bad in which you gotta break this Profound Bond and it feels like you’re shattering. Not impossible to get over but you’ll be kind of broken for a while, or maybe just a little cracked forever.) ((Was Jack Zimmermann Kent’s FP???? Who knows, just don’t think about it))

While obviously relationships with people can often be intense and sometimes unstable, it doesn’t mean everyone is regarded with the same level of intensity and it doesn’t mean people with BPD don’t also have normal and healthy relationships and friendships. It truthfully depends on the person. Sometimes all relationships are affected, and sometimes it’s just one.

Disassociation—this can range from depersonalization (feeling disconnected from your body), derealization (feeling disconnected from reality), amnesia (lost time), and identity confusion (losing self).

Speaking of identity—people with BPD struggle with their self-image, and yes sometimes they will distort how they view themselves to fit their mood. I often see this brought up in fics in regards to Kent Parson as either having extreme narcissism or with an extremely low self worth. While those two things aren’t generally out of the realm of possibility, most of the time when it comes to people with BPD and their identity it’s more like they’re lost???? Idk how to describe it but amongst people with BPD, it’s common to feel like you don’t know who the real you is, or like there is no real you and you’re just made up of other people. It’s because sometimes we latch onto the habits and obsessions of others, of our friends and loved ones, and they become our habits and our obsessions, and sometimes realizing this can push you into a bit of an identity crisis????? (Does anyone have a way to put this into English that makes sense bc I’m doing my best here but I Suck soooo) EDIT: the word for it is “Identity Disturbance” and it’s A Big Thing

Seemingly unprovoked bursts of anger and irritability are not uncommon

A lot of people with BPD have abandonment issues. Be it real or imagined abandonment, many of us try to avoid feeling that kind (or any kind) of rejection, even if it means we’re the ones doing the rejecting first. I see this well represented in fics but it’s very dragged out. (Truthfully, imho people with BPD can kinda suck at rejecting people, like we’ll wanna do it so that you don’t do it to us but we can’t quite execute it all that well and when we do we try not to dwell on it.)

I have noticed in BPD!Parse fics, most of the time he has a healthy sense of distrust towards people and their intentions and that’s pretty accurate although sometimes it’s the exact opposite—you might trust too much or too quickly if you consider them Good.

Major depressive episodes are not at all uncommon. (I apologize bc I don’t think I’m going to be able to put in as much detail about this rn bc tbh I’m running on the Manic side lately and when I’m more manic I tend to forget what it’s like to feel depressed or just how those feelings come about until I get hit with a wave of them and then I just wallow.)

Self-harm and suicidal thoughts are not uncommon either, even if you aren’t going through a depressive episode or feeling sad. (An unfortunate percentage of people with BPD die from suicide.)

Some people experience intrusive thoughts or some form of psychosis (if I’m not mistaken the term “borderline” actually comes from an antiquated thought that people with BPD are “borderline psychotic” and so some places no longer use the term “borderline personality disorder” and rather call it an emotional intensity disorder or an “emotionally unstable personality disorder”—bc the latter is totally much better)

Looooots of anxiety, I don’t think in the same way you see in an anxiety disorder??? (I have both so it’s hard for me to describe and separate the two but from what I’ve heard, for people that don’t have an anxiety disorder but do have BPD, it can come in bouts, kind of like manic and depressive episodes but just anxiety and none of the high or low feelings????)

Trouble sleeping is common with people with BPD

Paranoia

A majority of the time, people with BPD also have other disorders such a depression, anxiety, substance abuse, eating disorders, or other personality disorders that coexist with your BPD.

And the last thing: if you’re reading this list and thinking “huh this sounds more like what I’ve read about bipolar disorder rather than borderline personality disorder” then the reason for it is bc the way bipolar disorder is presented in media is often similar to the reality of what it’s like to have BPD (and similarly there is so much more to bipolar disorder that is not presented in media accurately). The two can be very similar from an outsider’s point of view but to put it in oversimplified terms—people with BPD have more persistent day-to-day symptoms that impact them 24/7 whereas someone with bipolar disorder can go through periods of symptom-free wellness for days, weeks, or even years before falling into say a major manic episode. Our mood swings and episodes are also shorter and tend to run on patterns or are a direct reaction to life’s typical stressors—we can have multiple mood swings and episodes within a single day, whereas folks with bipolar disorder have seemingly no warning before an episode that can last months. Also while any form of mental illness (particularly ones that have to do with mania or delusions or hallucinations) can impact your relationship with people, typically people with bipolar disorder don’t have the same problems with interpersonal relationships like people with BPD do. (I hope I don’t sound like I’m “down selling” bipolar disorder or anything, truthfully I’m just not knowledgeable enough to feel comfortable speaking on it but I do know that these are some of the differences between the two and that BPD and bipolar disorder are often misdiagnosed as each other.)

Anyways y’all, BPD is a really serious disorder. Most of the time we’re people that are considered high functioning because it’s a disorder that affects emotions and relationships and sometimes that only seemingly affects our personal and social lives and not our professional or academic lives.

We’re typecast as dramatic and manipulative and attention seekers. I’d personally argue that we aren’t (for the most part) but our behavior can get really poor and we can feel desperate and enslaved by our emotions. We can’t really help it but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t hold us accountable if we act horribly. The point of this is just that if you want to write about this disorder or cast a character with it, try to understand beyond what you’ve seen or heard portrayed by people who don’t have to live with it.

BPD is usually treated with cognitive behavioral therapy but it’s not at all uncommon to have medication as treatment of some of your symptoms or to be hospitalized for it. Personally I used to be on antipsychotics to help stabilize my moods and it was good but not a cure-all, of course. There is no cure for BPD.

This post is also known as: stop writing Kent Parson as an angsty piece of shit 2k18. I might accept BPD!Parse fics if he’s super excited and manic and forms intense bonds with people and doesn’t want to let them go but also BPD sucks so don’t romanticize it too much but also hello I love Kent Parson